Thursday, July 31, 2008

wanna sit by me? ok.

Nobody likes to sit by me. Seriously. Especially girls. I don't know what it is. Over the past few months I have noticed that girls never sit by me when a group of people are watching a movie or just hanging out. Only when there is one seat available in the whole room will people sit by me, sometimes girls choose the floor, no joke. I will relate my most recent experience, but keep in mind I have hundreds of examples that I could use: Some people in my ward decide to have a Brain Regan night (he is a comedian), sweet I'm in. I go over, two people are already on the couch (holds 3 people comfortably, 4-5 if you squish) so I sit on the love seat (holds 2 people comfortably, 3-4 if you squish). So I'm sitting there, by myself I might add, against the arm so more people could fit. A girl walks in and sits on the couch, I didn't want to sit by her anyways. Another girl walks in...she asks people to squish so she can fit on the couch. I'm sitting by myself still..."whatever, shes not very pretty, I must be super lame if she doesn't even want to sit by me." People on the couch: 4. People on the love seat: 1.

Why don't girls sit by me? Here are my theories.
#1 I'm ugly?
#2 I smell funny? (probably not though. If I smell like anything it's that new orange dove soap, old spice, and chanel)
#3 I'm short
#4 I'm ugly..oh already said that.
#5 I'm really good looking and intimidate girls so they are to shy to sit by me...maybe i'll marry the next girl who actually sits by me.

I don't know. Maybe I'll just stand up till everyone sits down, then I can choose where I want to sit, then I don't need to sit on the love seat by myself anymore....I'll just end up on the floor.

ps I was going to blog about the Louis Vuitton sweatband that i want :) I saw Lil' Bow wow wearing it in his latest music video. It's just a normal sweatband worn on your forehead while playing sport. so I checked out their was in the womens collection...and only sold in a package deal 2 wristbands, sweatband, and a towel...$300....maybe ill find a fake one :)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Couple Missionaries...jerks? (yeah i said jerks)

Saturday mornings at work start out pretty slow. There I was minding my own business walking around pretendning to be busy so managers wouldn't ask me to do stupid stuff, like go on a delivery or scrub the floor. All of the sudden an old man flags me a down and tells me all about the hole in the bottom of his mug. I inspect said mug,then tell him there is no hole in it. I tell him how it was put in a freezer while wet, then it froze, then it was pulled out of the freezer, root beer was poured in it and overflowed and froze to the outside of the mug, then melted at room temperature on his table. He insists about the hole. I tell him that i'll get him a new one and put his old mug in my bus tub walk around the corner and see him tell his server about the hole, she explains the same thing as i did. It's simple science really. After she left the table I hear the woman say to her husband, "they shouldn't have argued with you." I guess he was really mad. I walk back over and say to the server, "it's ok i'll get them a new one." I was doing something and had to walk to the end of the row of tables. i turn around and overhear this conversation:

*I start walking towards them*

old lady -- "it's ok hun, you're smarter than he is."

WHAT! She and I make eye contact, but she thinks I didn't hear it! Oh yeah, did I mention they were a couple serving a mission! wearing their nametags! I call them Elder and Sister Humble.

I go to the drink station pretty offended, "that old man is a retard, no one is smarter than me. how dare this woman say that! and she's a missionary, that was christlike..." I reach for a mug in the deepest darkest corner of the freezer, it was still morning and they were nice and frosty! I grab the best looking mug, fill it with ice and filled it with root beer. After the mug was at a perfect level I must have accidentally let my finger slip and I overflowed it and the root beer froze to the outside of their mug, oops. Then i did it again. And again. Untill the whole outside of the mug had frozen root beer all over it. oops. I grab a new coaster and set it on their table, "there you go sir." Five minutes later it looked as if there was a hole in this mug too! What a shame, two in a row with holes, their table was a swimming pool of root beer and they used all their napkins to mop it up. I wanted them to complain about it, because I was going to say, "oh I thought you were smarter than me... so i assumed there was a hole in your mug, looks like I was right, sorry about that." but they didn't say anything, just got quiet when I would walk past. And they gossiped about it the whole time! Shame. I asked the server what mission they were in so I could write their president about how rude they were to me, but I guess it was just a church history mission.

p.s. Dear Elder and Sister Humble, Please don't come back to the Brick Oven, we are the highest grossing restaurant in utah and don't need your business nor your stingy senior citizen tips. With Love, Tanner.

pps maybe the church ought to "raise the bar" for senior couples too...

Friday, July 25, 2008

the deep thoughts of Nicholas Tanner Mills

Have you ever looked at me and thought, "I wonder what Tanner is thinking about..." Well, i'm going to tell you :) On Monday I did some canyoneering in Zion National Park. We did a trail called Mystery Canyon, it was fun. Anywho these are a few of the things that I thought about in the car on the way home. My thoughts are in the quotes. enjoy.

"I need to pee pretty bad...good thing we are stopping for dinner"

At the Carls jr - "why are all the meals $7?..they better be dang good."

I'm in the middle bench in a minivan, Kim Houle and her coworker Dayna are having a conversation in the front seat - "kinda weird how i have been listening to them and haven't jumped in the conversation...i always have something to say...where is the ipod."

After trying to sleep and actually sleeping for about 30 minutes (it was about 10pm when we left Cedar City) and I had the only seat [b]without[/b] a head rest - "aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my neck is killing me!...*i look around* hmmm i wonder if this kid would notice if i sneakily took his head rest, he's not even using it. *i reach over about to take it* ...naw."

"nice we are almost to Delta *two or three minutes pass*...wait thats Fillmore..*i hang my head a bit*"

While scrolling through the ipod - "I don't want to listen to any of this crap...wait, i'll listen to that band that has no words...whats it called...parker (my friend parker cross, i skied with him a lot last winter) showed them to me..*i scroll for a while* Mogwai! thats it.."

While looking at the moon "hmmm nice waxing cresent...or is it a waning cresent...maybe thats why i got a B (astronomy class)."

While looking at a mountain - "i could ski down that. *a few minutes pass* should i get some tight ski pants...naw i like the thug baggy look too much *a few more minutes pass* the ski industry is getting to artsy for me, i'm not though...wait i'm listening to music with no words...crap."

"yes the silhouette of timp!...*minute later* crap its nebo *hang my head farther this time*..this is the longest road trip ever."

"i need to pee again...i can hold it."

"Springville! almost home...oh man i could really go for some stouffer's lazag (i guess thats what i call lasagna in my head) right now...wait is stouffer's in provo or springville?"

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dear Bloggers...

Dear Bloggers, I have made two major realizations and thought I would share them with you.

#1 I have realized that some people who blog choose for some crazy reason to have a dark background with light wording. Color mixtures i can think of right now are black and white, dark blue and cream, dark green and yellow...ok you get the picture.
#2 Secondly I have realized that my eyes hurt after i read these blogs. When i finish reading I look up at the wall and I can see lines all over it! did someone paint my wall? I tried to focus on the words on the wall to see whos blog was written on my living room wall, but i failed and couldn't focus...just saw more lines. Then I think to myself, "gosh dang i need my glasses." -- I wear glasses to read btw.

Moral of the story: blogs with dark backgrounds and light wording make peoples eyes hurt. especially my eyes. The End.

PS something i'm obsessed with and forgot to mention in my last post: the color lime green.

PPS i got a haircut. i was going to get an even sicker mullet/rat tail, but after my friend Christie finished it we agreed that it looked retarded and super white trash!!! so we cut the rest of it off. so i have a missionary haircut. my mom loves it :) but i keep reaching to my neck to play with my hair and its gone. its weird not to have 2 inches of rat tail to play with lol. im still getting used to it, my neck is cold. but my hair looks really good ...i like it.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

stupid stuff i'm obsessed with

- rat tails/mullets...they are cool, well at least i think so.
- slicked down side parts.
- chocolate milk. i paid 5 bones for 2 gallons at the byu creamery! that i think of it ill drink a cup of it while i finish this post :)
- oatmeal cream pies 10/$10.00 at virtually every grocery store.
- girls that wear skinny jeans and cute but flat shoes.
- reverse camber/rockered skis. basically they bow in the opposite direction for optimum flotation in powder.
- canon EOS 40d ...6.5 fps. retail price $1299.00ish...she will be mine someday.
- watching the SOAPnet channel and trying to explain "one tree hill" and "the oc" to my roommates. i would hate for them to not understand.
- watching planet earth.
- pens that double as lazer pointers, soooo much fun :)
- ironing my sunday clothes.
- shoes. i like to wear 2-3 different pairs everyday. i sometimes leave them in the living room of my apartment (currently have 5 pairs in here) my roommates dont like it.
- the word "rad."

thats all i can think of for now, maybe ill add more stuff later.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The most underrated city in utah...

TOOELE! you're probably thinking, "wtf? did he say Tooele." Yes i did. I went to Tooele with Nate Houle last Thursday to go bowling. Long story short we have a friend from Oklahoma who is staying in Ogden for the summer, he asked us to meet him in Tooele for a little bowling. On the drive up we went through SLC then took I-80 west, we had to work pretty hard at not barfing while passing Magna (it smells really bad), this made me a bit worried about being in Tooele. A couple miles later the air smelled normal again, giving me a little relief. We passed The Great Salt Lake, while listening to a song called "The Great Salt Lake." The lake was really cool looking, almost looked like the ocean...only if you looked north though. Then we arrived in Tooele! The mountains were green to the east. (you know those ugly mountains west of SLC? yeah the west side of them actually looks good.) All the stores were new and nice and stuff, really nice, although there were some ugly dumps too, i overlooked those. The bowling ally had like 40 lanes! and all of the balls were really new so it didn't hobble down the lane. On the way out of town we saw one of the coolest sunsets ever, the sun was huge and deep red. So yeah, i would rate Tooele a step or two above Spanish Fork. Then we took our friend from Oklahoma and showed him Temple Square. the end.

We accidentally turned onto this road. It was everything we expected to be in Tooele.

The mountains

Our friend and us at the bowling ally.

And finally the sunset.